Where to put your hands, when standing?

[virile]

I would say that I have got my body language down quite well, however there's only one thing that I'm not completely sure about. Where do you put your hands when you are standing, in order to look confident and friendly at the same time?

I've been thinking about this for a while and I have read many body language books which are great, but none of them cover what to do while you're standing with no other objects around. Of course I have good posture, and lean back a bit to look in control of my enviroment and I try to move to lock in somewhere, etc.

Usually I put my hands in my side pockets, with my thumbs hanging out to display dominance. Or I put them both in my back pockets with my thumbs sticking out to display dominance. I think having them in your back pockets is a bit better because then it makes your chest stick out more and it is slightly friendlier because, as Allan Pease said in his book, it looks as though you're trying to hide the fact that you're dominant.

So what do you think? Where should we put our hands when we are standing and there are no other objects around to aid us?

[genki]

Usually when I'm in conversation and talking, I gesture with my hands a lot of the time, so this is not too much of an issue for me

If i'm not talking though, usually I put them in my front pockets with thumbs out, OR, I put my hands behind my back, and grab onto my left wrist with my right hand... works well for me.

[JCMoneyUSN]

I somewhat agree with the above post. Stand with your hands slightly behind you.

What I always do is put my thumbs in back pockets and then let me fingers rest to my sides.

It pulls your shoulders back to give you better posture, and it oozes confidence because you are leaving yourself so open.

[Dimensio]

Avoid putting hands in pockets. shows nervousness. Its also bad manners.
you need to have it so people can see your palms. This indicates openness, trustworthiness and means girls will open easier.


My palms are never flat.
Personally I usually have my arms bent, so the sides of my hands are touching the sides of my legs .... an inch or so below my belt. If I am walking one hand will be higher than the others, usually at or slightly above the belt, but still on the side of my leg, palm inwards.


take up space.

when I am talking usually my hands are animated or I might hold my knuckle. Its kind of hard to explain without showing you.

If I am sitting, my hands will be in together, resting in front of me on the desk. The finger tips touch so it forms a wedge shape or steeple. Wrists are close to as far apart as they will go but still allow me to touch my thumbs together. Projects high level of confidence and avoids fidgeting.

[counterz]

Just wondering, why does putting your hands in your pants pockets but having your thumbs out project dominance?

[Eight]

Just wondering, why does putting your hands in your pants pockets but having your thumbs out project dominance?

You're right, it doesn't. It's just LESS insecure than having your hands completely inside your pockets.

Dimensio was spot on when he mentioned showing the palms of your hands to build trust.

If you watch Style when he converses, he has excellent use of his hands. He presents the palm of his hand(s) when he is detailing a story or making a point, which is a subliminal gesture that signals he is "giving" or "offering" something to the individual from a dominant social position. With one stone throw he is killing two birds: building trust/rapport, and establishing Alphaness.

[Monux]

My natural instinct when not talking is place hand in hand behind my back to show dominance and fearlessness, however as mentioned, gesturing and showing palms is excellent when talking

[virile]

Animating your hands when you are talking is of course a great thing to do. Style is very good at this, and he has amazing body language, but what does he do when he's not talking? I'm still curious as to what you think you should do when you find yourself standing somewhere, not moving.

Dimensio - Your idea sounds interesting. But whenever I look at myself or any images of people with their hands by their sides, they simply look awkward.

http://www.uncomyngifts.com/Main/Recreation_Room/Babylon-5/photos/Single_Cast/ozb5-093.jpg

Do you think you could please explain what you mean a bit more? I understand that you may want to look open and easy to talk to, but how can someone convey that without it looking weird and forced? That's the problem I'm trying to solve :)

I am relucatant to put my hands behind my back because then, as you all pointed out, my hands/palms are hidden. Hands in my pocket looks insecure, and hands by my side looks awkward. If any more people can help me try to fix this by showing an example of what they do, I'd really appreciate that - Photos are always good :D

By the way, has anyone looked at Body Language Project? I think some of the things they say are good, but some of them are giving off the wrong messages - conflicting with other body language sources.

[Eight]

For just standing around, I loop one, or both, of my thumbs in the belt loops closest to my hip on each side, more to the back than to the front. If I'm wearing shorts or pants with no belt-loops, I do the same thing but place my thumb tip inside the waist of my pants. This creates more angles to "stylize" my posture, and protrudes my elbows slightly to broaden the space that I occupy. It also forces a better upper body posture with a natural, effortless effect.

Just how I roll. Maybe you can take something from it. And if you're still looking for ideas, flip through magazine ads, and -wordremoved--wordremoved--wordremoved--wordremoved-yze the poses of male models that give off the vibe that you're looking to portray.

[virile]

Eight - thank you for the ideas. I like the thumb in the belt loops idea. I think I will try that.

[Eight]

Eight - thank you for the ideas. I like the thumb in the belt loops idea. I think I will try that.

You got it.

[MvP]

I put my hands a little lower on my hips,gives me the same effect 8 has-arched elbows and all. NFI if it's good but I've had a girl compliment me a very long time ago,calling me "manly"

MvP

[xxdannyocean]

thats really funny because well...
when i open my hands i just keep by my side but i use them for expressions as well... after 1-2 mins ... one of my hands is always on the girl... kino/teasing/hugging/routines

you have two hands... so share ... sharing is caring =)

[MaoMao]

I agree. It will be a waste to put both hands into your pockets because the hands can be used for kino purposes.

[anony2002]

I also usually put my hands in my pockets... good to read this!

[xxdannyocean]

learn to use stories and gambits and routines to use and increase kino... in sexual kind of ways make a story of a chick trying to seduce u ... and b dramatic and show the girl what happened... how she put her hand on ur neck and was all sexual about it ...

[Devil Z]

cool this was a question i had myself, so thank you for the great advice on here.

[game]

I think it was said during "Power of Presence" ,when you are worrying where to put your hands ,then you are not present.

[karlino]

Game is totally right on this.
If you're wondering what or where to place your hands, your not present.
Being in the moment helps you not thinking about it and staying calm.

[$ilvertongue]

If you can imagine the Hollywood bad boy or the cowboy, the model, with his 2 thumbs through his belt loops with his fingers pointing toward the crotch. Desmond Morris covers this pose in the book people watching.

[goforit14]

use your hands move them around it makes you look more animated but if you must keep them in one place touch your thumbs and your middle fingers i think i got that from the david deangelo bl seminar but yeah if you must move them use them to make gestures be careful not to let them swing.