Roadrunner_United
04-22-2007, 02:01 PM
I saw this on another site, and though it isn't directly related to seduction, you could definitely find a way to thread these into your sets and get a good laugh.
A lot of these are those sexist jokes, so it's easy to find a way to sneak them into a interaction.
Jokes:
Sorry Guys but, alot of it seems to be true.
Men Wisdom
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the
dishes? ...Both of them.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?...He buys two cases of beer.
Why are blonde jokes so short?...So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?... We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
...They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?...A widow.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
...Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in their bed and go to the refrigerator.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups? ...Put the remote control between his toes.
How are men and parking spots alike?
...Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?...Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? ...In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?...To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crisis?...They're stuck in adolescence.
How is being in a singles bar different from going to the circus?...At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
...The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you do with a bachelor that thinks he's God's gift?...Exchange him.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?...They are hard to get started, emit foul odors and don't work half the time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?...After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
REASONS TO BE A MAN
- phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- you know stuff about tanks.
- a 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- you can open all your own jars.
- dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
- you can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- you don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
- you can leave the motel bed unmade.
- you can kill your own food.
- you get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- wedding plans take care of themselves.
- if someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- your underwear costs $10.00 for a three-pack.
- if you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- everything on your face stays in its original color.
- you can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- you don't have to clean your apartment/house if the meter reader is coming.
- car mechanics tell you the truth.
- you can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad a me".
- same work, more pay.
- gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
- wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - $75
- you don't mooch off other's desserts.
- you can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- if another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
- your pals can be trusted to never trap you with - "so, notice anything different?"
- you are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- you don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- you almost never have strap problems in public.
- you are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- the same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- you don't have to shave below your neck.
- at least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
- your belly usually hides your big hips.
- one wallet and one pair of shoes.... one color.... all seasons.
- you can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
- you have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
A lot of these are those sexist jokes, so it's easy to find a way to sneak them into a interaction.
Jokes:
Sorry Guys but, alot of it seems to be true.
Men Wisdom
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the
dishes? ...Both of them.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?...He buys two cases of beer.
Why are blonde jokes so short?...So men can remember them.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?... We don't know; it has never happened.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
...They all already have boyfriends.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?...A widow.
Why are married women heavier than single women?
...Single women come home, see what's in the refrigerator and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in their bed and go to the refrigerator.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups? ...Put the remote control between his toes.
How are men and parking spots alike?
...Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?...Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? ...In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?...To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crisis?...They're stuck in adolescence.
How is being in a singles bar different from going to the circus?...At the circus the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
...The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you do with a bachelor that thinks he's God's gift?...Exchange him.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?...They are hard to get started, emit foul odors and don't work half the time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?...After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
REASONS TO BE A MAN
- phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- you know stuff about tanks.
- a 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- you can open all your own jars.
- dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
- you can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- you don't have to learn to spell a new last name.
- you can leave the motel bed unmade.
- you can kill your own food.
- you get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- wedding plans take care of themselves.
- if someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- your underwear costs $10.00 for a three-pack.
- if you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
- everything on your face stays in its original color.
- you can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
- three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- you don't have to clean your apartment/house if the meter reader is coming.
- car mechanics tell you the truth.
- you can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad a me".
- same work, more pay.
- gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
- wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - $75
- you don't mooch off other's desserts.
- you can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
- if another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
- your pals can be trusted to never trap you with - "so, notice anything different?"
- you are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
- you don't have to stop and think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- you almost never have strap problems in public.
- you are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- the same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- you don't have to shave below your neck.
- at least a few belches are expected and tolerated.
- your belly usually hides your big hips.
- one wallet and one pair of shoes.... one color.... all seasons.
- you can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
- you have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.